I had other ideas for the subject of this week’s blog; however I decided to relate this blog entry to the recent Valentine’s celebration after speaking with a married friend who was telling me that she and her husband are very unromantic. I believe wholeheartedly that being a bit more romantic and making the effort to do something special on days like Valentine’s Day fully contributes to the team spirit and overall success of the whole “Family Team”.
If you really think about this rationally for a moment you begin to see the logic. Being more romantic means that you both make more time to spend with each other and do the things together that please you both. A positive focus naturally decrease any cause for arguments/ resentment, and draws you both closer together. More time spent together also automatically increases the effectiveness of your communication with each other. Because you spend more time together, you’re naturally provided with a better opportunity to talk about any important decisions that need to be made. Also, if your honest with yourself there’ll be a few little “snags” that are “nagging” at the back of your mind, which is perfectly normal as letting someone else fully into your life means that you share everything, – the brilliant and the not so great! (We are human-beings and fallible by nature). So spending more time together means that you can clear out what’s on your mind and thus maintain a positive focus that will continue to serve the relationship.
This is supported by Rebecca Hagelin in her article entitled, “Romance for Married Couples”. She puts forwards that investing quality time in each other enables you to become better friends. You may be wondering here; well I can see how spending more time together definitely improve one’s relationship – why the emphasis on romance? Let me tell you why.
The reason that it’s important to ensure that the time you spend together is largely romantic is because romantic is the key ingredient that will bring you closer together. Romance puts the focus back on each of you and what really lights you (both) up as a person and makes you sparkle with happiness. So it’s not just “life” that you’re talking about – it’s you, how you feel and what you desire etc. – the types of things you would expect to share with your partner. This to me is real romance, not the media image of flowers and chocolates, which one could argue are is a way of glossing over and avoiding making the real effort required to cultivate true romance.
As Rebecca Hagelin states, due to media stereotype “romance is often misunderstood”. She put forward to view romance as, “tenderness, affection and attentiveness”, which are “the hallmarks of love”. Thus to cultivate more romance in your relationship means ensuring that the picture of your partner in your mind’s eye is of them in their best moments. It also means actively looking for opportunities to please your partner (thoughtful surprises always go down well!) and empathising with their point of view. Can you see that by doing this regularly would maximise pleasure and positivity and minimise any negativity that only leads to arguments and resentment?
Rebecca Hagelin also highlights that “enduring romance flourishes” when they’re “grounded in truth” as only then are we actively cherishing “the real person with whom we share our lives”. This for me underlines the crucial necessity to really “know” our partners and value the real person whom they are. Plus to have the respect to always be open and honest, so you can continually become closer and prevent negativities from being harboured.
Jairek Robbins also supported this point of view in a recent video where he put forward how Valentine’s Day can make romance seem inauthentic because “we should think about our partners like that all the time”. He put forward Three R’s as a solution to help couples put more authentic romance into their relationship. “Reminisce, Re-live and Re-mix”. Reminiscing is completely congruent with what Rebecca Hagelin put’s forward about remembering your partner in their best moments. Jairek Robbins suggestion about Re-living some of your best spent times together identifies exactly how important it is always remember the good times together. This allows no room for any negativity and keeps the spark of what attracted you both together in the first place alive. Jairek Robbins also suggests that Re-mixing some of your best moments allows for you both to put a creative spin on your passions to keep them alive and fresh.
A couple who invest this much time and energy in each other will have a very positive, honest, close relationship. Can you imagine how beneficial this is to the whole “Family Team”? With negativity effectively flushed out there is no room for the types of arguments that leads to resentment and even divorce – that effects everyone within the family – especially the children. Therefore the “Family Team’s focus can remain on all the positives that first of all will help everyday life be much more smooth and calm. One point to mention here is that from personal experience, couples I know who are more romantic never seem to moan about each other’s short-comings.
A few years ago the Daily Mail wrote an article about how women are the first to tire of marriage through a growing resentment of the consistent lack of effort from men to be romantic and do more to nurture the relationship. With more women taking on busy careers, it’s more important than ever in my opinion to keep the flame alive. Just think for a moment how nice it would that feel to never feel fed-up and most often put in second place. Jairek Robbins recalls how two of his clients – a married couple – made a decision to put their relationship first, and in doing this business bloomed! When you focus on love, everything else seems to always come together. Because you are happier as you feel cherished and supported you are in a great place to “give” as parents and also to fully focus on business when necessary as you’re not distracted by any harbouring negative feelings. There are ways of bringing more romance to your relationship. Two fantastic Experts that I would thoroughly recommend here is Karinna Kittles-Karsten, her website is: www.sacredlove.com and Christian Carter, who’s website is: www.catchhimandkeephim.com
When there is less need to allow life’s “ups and down” to control your focus this provides the additional opportunity to look at planning ahead and creating experiences both as a couple and as a “Family Team” that can be shared and treasured. Notice how having a relationship like I’ve described does require making more mutual effort. What I would say here is that, with the right person (note how important this is – if the effort is too difficult – are you with the right partner for you?), making the type of effort required is easy, and becomes more so as the relationship grows because you’re continually feel the benefits of what you’re putting in.
The reason I believe that love and romance nurture “Family Team Spirit” is because it effectively develops both your abilities as a couple to communicate with each other on intimate levels in addition to the more superficial. It also greatly increases couples ability to actually listen to what each other is really saying, therefore you both feel “heard” and understood. This I believe is because the focus is placed affectionately on each individual and nurtures the human need to know that some else (asides your parents!) “gets you” and understands “where you’re coming from” regardless whether you’re right, or wrong (NB you can empathise without necessarily agreeing – you just need to show that support). So please, let love be the guiding light for your “Family-Team”. J